If you love something, you have to set it free

I have to make a true confession; so, I am putting this out into the ether. I went on this yoga teacher training path to decide if I still want to be a classical singer. Phew. I said it. That’s off my chest now. The past 7 years of my life have been completely devoted to singing. I ate, slept, and breathed vocal technique in a constant struggle to be good enough, to succeed, and to live up to the expectations of my teachers, my family, my friends, and myself. Yes, this heart-felt dedication and determination has brought me far in my career. Many would be surprised to hear recordings of me from high school or even freshman year of college. However, too much of a good thing is still too much. If there is one thing that I have learned from attempting countless yoga inversions, it’s that balance is essential (both in life and in a handstand.) Without that balance, you become so consumed with the minute details that you forget to see the forest through the trees… or the yoga class through the yogis… or the melody through the notes. That balance is exactly what I have been seeking these past few years. I became so consumed with being the perfect singer with the perfect voice, the perfect acting skills, and the perfect body, that I began to lose my love-affair with music. This past year has required some soul searching as I came to terms with the fact that my unique voice also comes with it’s own unique set of challenges. The thought that I might never be able to have opera singing as my main money-making career utterly devastated me. Thoughts of wasting the past 7 years of my life (not to mention thousands of dollars) floated through my head. I honestly considered giving up music for good. Was this career worth the stress, emotional, and physical strain? So, I gave myself a break to reassess and see what life would be like without singing. Would I miss it? I still wasn’t sure when I came to the yoga teacher training program a week ago. Today, I got my answer. We went through the meditation practice as usual and then we had a new teacher run the asana class today. Instead of opening the class with a chant, she began class with a few verses of Amazing Grace. This song is one of my go-to pieces. I never really studied it, I always just sang it from the heart. While singing it at 7am this morning (without warming up, mind you) I realized I was just singing for the sake of singing. This new feeling was so completely overwhelming that I started tearing up as I realized how much I missed singing. Not performing, not being a star, just singing. Singing for the sake of singing. This was a revelation. Music is fun. I love music. I want to sing. That moment, I wanted to race from the room and into the woods to belt out some tunes. Instead, I just used this energy to power my yoga practice and I pulled off some poses which I have never done before… and I’ve been smiling ever since.
Maybe I’ll giving singing another chance. Maybe I’ll actually sing for the students tonight since everyone has been asking me too. Maybe letting singing go brought it back to me.

Om, the ancient sound which I get to resonate everyday….. And my first realization that I still love singing.


2 thoughts on “If you love something, you have to set it free

  1. If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it is yours if it doesn’t, it never was. Wow RIs, I’m so happy for you as I could never imagine you not singing. You have found your joy again!!! I love you! Namaste

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