Learning to sing

Yesterday was my last day of the amazing adventure that was yoga teacher training. When I applied all those weeks ago, I had no idea how drastically my body, mind, and life would change. I came here to find my new life path: would I be singing in the future? My contribution on our altar of learning was a treble clef necklace which was given to me in high school when I was utterly obsessed with music. I used to wear it everyday, but as music slowly became a source of stress and anxiety in my life, I took the necklace off and haven’t really worn it for a few years now. At the time, I thought nothing of it, but now I see the subtle symbolism in this small necklace. Leaving this on the altar reflected my yearn to find bliss in my voice again.
A few weeks ago during the teacher training, we all sang “Amazing Grace” and singing this for the love of singing rekindled my love affair with music. (See https://marissabloom.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/if-you-love-something-you-have-to-set-it-free/ for a full account of this experience.) I remembered what singing just for the joy of singing felt like. Yesterday this realization came full-circle at our closing ceremony talent show. The yogis wouldn’t let me leave without singing, so I signed up to sing my favorite aria, Gershwin’s Summertime, and Amazing Grace since this is now the song which I will return to as a reminder of these experiences. Ironically, 20 minutes before the talent show, I was also recruited to sightread an Indian chant with a lovely professional flutist, and to swing dance. People were lovingly referring to it as the “Marissa show.” Always the renaissance woman, I happily agreed. Without a warm-up, dressed in yoga clothes and barefoot, I stepped up to the “stage” to sing. For the first time in my life, I truly performed simply for the love of it. No thoughts were racing through my head. No worries about forgetting the words were plaguing me, no tensions, no furrowed brow. I just sang. I became simply the portal for the music to flow through. It was the most blissful experience of my life. I found my voice. At the end of Amazing Grace, I was inspired to begin an OM, the sanskrit sound of creation and life. To my surprise, my beautiful yogi friends joined me in one loud resounding OM, sealing the performance as tears trickled down my face.
Before singing Amazing Grace, I shared with my new friends my separation from singing for the past 2 months and the revelation that singing really is what I want to do with my life. The next day, a few of the students took me aside separately and made me promise to keep singing. Then, the beautiful Jen, our fearless leader, hugged me and told me that I put the energy and intention to keep singing out into the universe from such a vulnerable state and in such a powerful space that it would be so. I would be a singer. As she said this, I realized that I didn’t need her confirmation; I already knew it to be true. From now on, my musical life will be different. It has to be. It already is. Jai ma.

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One thought on “Learning to sing

  1. This post gave me goosebumps. Such an outpouring of love and affirmation. You have set your voice free and it has come back to you. I always felt it would but I’m glad to feel the joy of life return to you. I am so grateful that you kept this blog so we could experience this with you. Welcome back!

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