Should I stay or should I go now?

Here I sit at a veritable crossroads. Since I began studying voice with Juliana Gondek in Los Angeles in the winter, her plan has been to have me move to Los Angeles as soon as I was able. Somewhere along the lines, I decided to wait and commute to LA for lessons while raising the funds to spend all or part of August in LA working with her. Then I could decide from there. But with that deadline looming ominously over the horizon and my employers, voice students, and yoga students asking me about my plans for next year, I find myself needing to solidify a game plan for the coming year a bit more quickly than I had initially expected. So, should I stay or should I go now? On the one hand, my Czech gypsy heritage is telling me that it is time for a change of scene with new adventures, new people, new experiences, the chance to achieve the dream I have had since I was 3, and the chance to be “somebody.” But, then my German side argues that I have financial stability and a whole life already set up here. I have students who I deeply care for, a thriving vocal studio and yoga teaching jobs, and loved ones close by. It also argues that to be “somebody,” you don’t have to be loved and known by the whole world. Do you really need millions to know your name to believe that your life is worthwhile?
Needless to say, for the past 5 months, my mind has been constantly mulling, disputing, and fighting with itself, trying to come up with a decision. I’ve kept waiting for a blatant sign, (you know, one in neon with big flashing letters saying either “stay” or “go”) but as yet, none has come.
So which is it? Stay or go? Choose adventure yet perhaps boredom, lack of work, failure, and financial ruin? Or choose security and continuing where I am comfortable yet also perhaps succumbing to the fear of the unknown? Or should I choose a compromise and spend the summer creating an audition package, living and working in LA for a time, then return back home for the fall to continue my work and have a home base (and financial reserves) from which to fly out of for the fall audition season? So many life changing decisions to be made. But which one will I choose?
Time alone will tell. It’s just sometimes she doesn’t tell us when we want her to. Whatever happens, I will keep moving forward. Sometimes that’s all that you can do.

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One thought on “Should I stay or should I go now?

  1. My advice to you, Marissa – even considering our original conversation – is: take the time to sit still and listen for that quiet voice within you, the one that is your true nature, learn what it’s telling you, and let it guide you. Some people feel exhilaration in taking risks and stepping out off a cliff into an abyss; some find fulfillment in keeping to the safe and steady course; for some, it’s a bit of both. You need to determine where your comfort zone lies. For now, the weekly trips for lessons are working (barring additional car-tastrophes!), so maybe adjusting the arbitrary timeline could relieve some pressure.

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