“Oh hello wall! It’s been awhile since I’ve run into you. How are you doing? I’m sorry I just hit you right now. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
Yep. I hit a wall in my training yesterday. Things were going so well. I was moving forward. I was making progress. And then I became exhausted from constantly giving it 125%, I became emotional, and I broke down. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by what was being required of me, of any singer, or anyone who wants to compete at the highest level. My defenses broke and my mind started questioning why I am putting myself through all of this. There’s the 10 million dollar question again: WHY?!
The same lame answers started flooding in: “Because I want to sing on the biggest stages one day!” “Because I want to amount to something.” “Because I don’t want all this money and effort I have spent on my voice to go to waste.” “Because I want to have an excuse to travel the world.” “Because I want to be a star!”
Then, suddenly a quiet voice came out of the clutter, barely discernible. “Because I want to sing as freely and happily as I did when I was a child.”
When I was a little girl, I used to climb the mountain in our backyard, hop on my tree swing, plug in my CD Walkman and tiny speakers, and belt Fleetwood Mac (What? They are a great band and the only CD I owned at the time) at the top of my lungs. Then, when that CD ended, I would stand on my swing and sing the national anthem to the birds, the trees, and anyone in listening distance. Why? Why not? It was a catchy tune. I knew it. I felt like singing. So I sang it.
What a strange idea… singing because you feel like it; singing for the joy of singing. It’s easy to forget this when your life, bank account, sense of accomplishment, and piece of mind, are in upheaval because of the one thing you love the most. But, perhaps that’s what the things we love are supposed to do: cause a bit of upheaval and turmoil, make us reexamine our choices, and shake us up a bit to make us come out stronger and more aware of exactly who we are. So, I’m going to forget about all those other reasons I am putting myself through this crazy restructuring of my voice. Im the end, they don’t really matter. I am doing this for that little girl, singing up on the hill without a care in the world–the one who knew that as long as there is a song to sing, life would be ok. Well, all I have to say is, this song’s for you.