This year I have been enjoying nightly readings from The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. Today was especially poignant and necessary as I find myself 5 days into my summer intensive vocal study, grappling with the same few problems over and over again and becoming frustrated in the process. This reading shed new light on the process of change and it helped me get through another day. I hope it will help you do the same.
Often as we are being transformed, we cannot tell what is happening. For while in the midst of staying afloat, it is next to impossible to see the ocean we are being carried into. While struggling with the pain of change, it is often impossible to see the new self we are becoming. While feeling our hand pried loose by experience, we seldom can imagine what will fill it once it is opened. As the days rinse our heart, we can feel something unseeable scour through, though we can’t yet imagine how much fresher milk and sky and laughter will taste once we are returned to the feel of being new.
So, I must remember that all of this struggle, all of this sometimes maddening frustration with these difficult vocal concepts is just the cocoon, helping me to one day burst forth as a beautiful butterfly ready to take flight…. I just haven’t fully formed my wings yet. It’s a rather painful process, the sprouting of wings, but I don’t think a single caterpillar ever regretted it.
In the beginning it may be painful…
But it is worth it in the end.