After a day of teaching on only a few hours of sleep, I was grateful to come home a bit early with the hopes of resting. The day prior, I had sung in an orchestra concert and had to then go to work on only a few hours of sleep. I zombie-walked through the entire day and was so grateful that I could get home at a decent hour to recouperate. However, after walking through my front door, I glanced at my computer and remembered that I could now edit and upload the audio recordings of the concert. That then led to editing and uploading the video recordings. Soon, I was sitting on the floor, laptop in lap and headphones on ears, editing away. 4 hours later, I glance up at my clock and it’s midnight and I still haven’t prepared the things I’d need for the following day.
Hello. My name is Marissa Bloom and I am an anti-procrastinator. It is a problem. I am seeking help.
I know. It’s ridiculous right? But I can’t stop myself from being productive. I’m addicted to getting things done: not just busy work for work’s sake, but actual productive things. In my life, there are no wasted moments. My schedule is timed down to the minutest detail and if I put something on my to-do list, I can’t sleep until it gets done. Why put off until tomorrow what you can get done today?
While this extreme work ethic is helpful for keeping a handle on 3 careers simultaneously, it tends to wear down my body, mind, and spirit. I twirl around like a cyclone until I finally drop down out of sheer exhaustion. As a child, I had the same symptoms of frantic and frenzied energy and yet I did not know how to harness it. I’d lie in bed for hours before falling asleep, my mind spinning with all the things I could be achieving, learning, doing, and reading instead of sleeping. I wanted to work and to succeed. I realized that meant getting a good night’s sleep, but my mind didn’t oblige. After years of meditation and yogic study, I’ve finally tamed my mind, for the most part. But I still have those random bursts of productive explosion from time to time. I feel my mind whipping itself into an energetic dither until I find myself writing a blog post, editing recordings, editing videos, making dinner, doing the dishes, creating marketing materials, and planning tomorrow’s yoga pose…. all simultaneously. The crazy thing is, it is usually during these bouts of frantic energy that my creative juices flow and inspiration hits. I tend to come up with my best ideas at these moments. But I also tend to feel like my brain is a pile of burnt ash afterwards.
Although I’ve come a long way in metering out this energy overload, I’m still a work in progress. But, then again aren’t we all? So, even though I am exhausted, I am grateful for my ability to be so focused and driven. If I lost that or tried to change myself… well, then I wouldn’t be me. Here’s to being yourself, even if it means you’re a bit tired tomorrow.
Oh, and for those of you who are curious why I stayed up so late, here are the video files I edited of the Lompoc Pops Orchestral concert. Enjoy!
#journeytohandstand challenge day 26: handstand splits. Today I was brave. Previously, I have only tried this handstand variation in the safety of a yoga studio with a nice cushy mat (and maybe a few pillows) beneath me. I’ve been attempting this month to have the courage to get off my mat and out into the world with my practice. It hasn’t always been easy. I often become self-conscious about taking these photos out in public with people passing by and drivers honking their horns at me. I enjoy the safety of hiding at home with a comfy bolster underneath me and no one to laugh if I stumble and fall. But, we can get too comfortable with our surroundings. We can become stuck in habits and lose the ability to adapt to new places and things. I’m a workaholic so if I challenge myself to something, I am going to follow through with it. Therefore, this month, I’ve overcome my fears in many ways. After years of telling myself I was not strong enough to handstand, I’ve become powerful and courageous enough to build my inversion practice over the past 6 months. I’ve begun to take my practice out into the world, (without a single injury other than dirty hands, I might add), and other than a few confused looks from passing drivers or pedestrians, I’ve only received positive feedback. Many who see me performing my outdoor yoga practice will come up to me, discuss yoga, health, life, inspirations, and the like. My practice is an ice breaker, a way for this wallflower to get to know complete strangers. So, here’s to building strength, both physical and mental, and stepping outside of my comfort zone.