Disappear for Awhile

“Slow down you crazy child. You’re so ambitious for a juvenile. But then if you’re so smart tell me, why are you still so afraid? Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out. You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day. But you know that when the truth is told that you can get what you want or you can just get old. You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through. When will you realize… Vienna waits for you? Slow down you’re doing fine. You can’t be everything you want to be before your time although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight. Too bad, but it’s the life you lead you’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need. Though you can see when you’re wrong you know you can’t always see when you’re right. You got your passion, you got your pride; but don’t you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on, but don’t imagine they’ll all come true, when will you realize… Vienna waits for you? Slow down you crazy child, take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while. It’s alright, you can afford to lose a day or two. When will you realize… Vienna waits for you?” –Billy Joel 

My body has been fighting me this past month… months actually. I’ve been through an emotional roller coaster of family drama and it has surfaced in my body through a series of ailments and illnesses: culminating in complications from a pulled muscle this week. The pain was extreme as I lay on the floor trying to soothe my muscle spasms. With tears in my eyes, I attempted to keep up with my normal teaching and rehearsal schedule until it was more than I could bare. So, I settled in, breathed through it, cleared my schedule, and devoted my time to healing. While sitting on the couch or in the mineral springs tub all weekend, I had a lot of time to think and meditate on why this has been a rough 6 months for my body. My eating and exercising habits haven’t changed. I’m still just as healthy and as active. My work and performance life has actually been improving and becoming easier to handle. I feel like my life is finally settling into a place where I am both challenged and gratified. Under closer inspection though, I realized that my body started fighting me when major family drama began to surface and come to a head. Things completely out of my control created a spiral of stress. Deeply hidden childhood emotionals and fears began to haunt my dreams and meditations. Things I had buried down deep surfaced and begged to be dealt with. While I’ve attempted to stay open-hearted, free, and active during this trying time, my body had other plans. If I wasn’t going to pause and let my psyche deal with these emotions, my body was going to make me–through injury and illness. So, here I am. On the couch. Letting my body heal and letting my thoughts process. Sometimes you just have to slow down, take the phone off the hook, and disappear for awhile. It’s alright. I can afford to lose a day or two. So now that’s just what I’m going to do. 

 #detoxyobody challenge day 13: Ustrasana/camel pose. This yoga challenge has really opened my eyes to the world around me. I drive a great deal from rehearsals to teaching to lessons to yoga classes. I used to hate the rush, pressure, and grind of having four wheels on the pavement. But now I have a reason to loosen my grip on the steering wheel and widen my gaze to take in more of my surroundings. I see the beauty of the clouds floating around the peaks and valleys of the land. I see the sunshine glistening off the water droplets on my windshield. I see the design and textures of neglected buildings. I see the beautiful play of shadows on a plain white fence. The things I once took for granted I now see clearly. I no longer dread my daily long commutes. Instead of focusing solely on the destination, I find myself enjoying the journey. I am witnessing the beauty of the now rather than always thinking about the future. And the now is a wonderful place to be.